Cindy Chamberland

“We create a mask to meet the masks of others.
Then we wonder why we cannot love,
and why we feel so alone” – Brenda Shoshanna

Many Disguises

We don’t need to wear our masks to hide our true emotions. Emotions like anger can be a mask to cover our pain. How do you handle your anger?

After doing Yada for a few years, I discovered I needed to take the elevator down from my anger and determine what I was really hiding from. I saw the need to remove some masks of my own. Working through my anger and pain, God showed me my call was to help others work through recognizing their disguises of pain. I went back to college, and after several years I have become a licensed professional counselor.

Disguised Emotions

Anger presents itself in different ways. It can be expressed as outward anger such as rage. But it can also go underground and be expressed in depression or anxiety. When asked how we are doing, we often respond, “I’m fine.” We put on a smile and wear a mask of happiness when in reality, we are not.

Anger is like an engine warning light in your car. When the light is on, it is important to look under the hood to see what the real problem is. We may overreact to a simple incident in anger, but if looked at closely, it can be traced to a buried hurt or a painful event. We may also see or experience injustice, and anger rises up. Psalm 4:4 says, “In your anger do not sin, when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”

It is possible to be angry and not to sin but we must not let our anger go underground or spew out in rage above ground. How can we learn to allow anger to reveal the real pain of our heart? James gives the answer in 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring the righteous life that God desires.”

Sometimes we need to share with someone the painful memories we have stored in our hearts. Who can we turn to share the inner hurts we carry?

Mask Removal

All the anger management skills won’t help control our anger if the deep wounds are not exposed and brought into the light for healing. Anger in itself is not a sin, as many believe. It is what we do with our anger that will lead to healing or to sinful behavior. A question we must ask ourselves when anger rises up is “What am I really upset about?” If you cannot figure out the answer on your own, take your hurts to God. The steps are easy.

• Read His Word
• Journal honestly what you are feeling and what you think God is saying through scripture
• Share with a safe Yada group.

Hopefully you can allow God to reveal the submerged emotions and bring them out so the masks of anger can be removed. Removing all our masks can allow us to reflect all God has created us to be in vulnerability. Share your hidden hurts with God and Yada Sisters or Brothers today. By taking off our masks, we give permission for others to do the same, while we all become liberated in the process!

Have you ever been brokenhearted and feared telling a friend? As Christians, we are often hesitant to share our deepest struggles in fear of being rebuked or told we are not exercising our faith. Job says “A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty” (Job 6:14).

We always want to “fix.”

Why is it hard to just listen to a friend who is hurting or angry and not feel the need to “fix” them? I dare say it is because we don’t like to face pain and we try to avoid it in ourselves and others.
When a friend of mine’s 8-year old daughter died, she said so many Christians told her they didn’t know what to say…then they opened their mouth and proved it!
Job’s friends exhibited a short time when they were able to be true friends. Job 2:13 revealed how they sat on the ground with Job for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. They must have gotten impatient with the amount of time the suffering went on, so they decided to give their two cents on “why” they thought Job’s was experiencing his trial. We all know their dissertations went on for over 35 long chapters before God spoke and rebuked them. God asked Job to pray for them and make a sacrifice so that God would not bring down his judgment on their stupidity. (Job 42:7-9).

How we can listen better?

Being a true Yada Sister or Brother to a friend in pain takes patience, time, and lots of listening without giving advice. If you find this is hard to do; look into your heart to see why pain is uncomfortable to be around. There may be unresolved issues from your past that have not been addressed. Often the pain of others reminds us of similar wounds we have faced.
After doing Yada for 11 years with my two Yada Sisters; I can say I have learned to listen better and am heard like I have never been heard before. Where can you share for a half hour and be truly listened to? The Yada experience has changed my life as I have become a better friend and listener to those God has placed in my life.
Ask God to show you how to face pain He has allowed in your life and bear the brokenness of others around you. We are the best friends we can be, when we have experienced his love and healing in our lives first…and then we can show compassion in the measure we have been shown compassion. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, so we are near Him when we are with them.

Where have you struggled lately with not listening? Let the YadaFactor experience show you how to improve this skill that can make a huge difference in your life and the life of your Yada Brother or Sister!